The 5 Stages of Getting Fired and Landing Flat on Your Ass

So you just fucked up. Your boss called you into his office and said, “There’s no easy way to tell you this…” For whatever reason—you’re not the right fit for our company, your work isn’t meeting our expectations, it’s just not working out—you didn’t just lose a job, you were outright fired. Well, Dr. Erin is here to help.*

You see, I too have just been fired. Insane, I know. I was so miserable at my job and I let that show in my work. Everyday I would go through the motions, hoping to stay afloat long enough to find a new job. The day would soon come when I would march into work and give my two-weeks notice. Being released from my servitude should have been a blessing. But like in every sinking relationship, I was supposed to break up with them, not the other way around!

These are my emotions; these are my five stages of getting fired:

Denial. Wait, what just happened? I must’ve imagined that. I’m going to clean out my desk and go home, only to have people say, “where did Erin go?” In my own job duldrums, I hallucinated getting fired. Yah, that must be what happened.

Anger. Well you know what? Good riddens! You guys weren’t that great either! You didn’t even give me a freakin’ chance to prove myself. You’re a @#$% and I always said that! Peace out, @&%*$# #$%&@#$ !!

Sentimentality. Oh… I don’t work there anymore. Goodbye desk, goodbye computer, goodbye comfy office chair… I always liked you. So-n-so was always really nice to me; she was very patient and nice. What’s-his-name was really cool and actually talked to me while I was there; I’ll miss him. And the cashier at the cafeteria, she’ll wonder where I am.

Depression. Shit. I’m never going to find another job. If I couldn’t do this, what can I do? This is an indicator of my skills and accumulative work. This is always how it is. I have no drive; I have no work ethic. I’m a failure. If you need me, I’ll be curled up in bed for a week or three.

Acceptance. Hey, it’s going to be ok. This was a learning experience; I now know so much more about how I work, what I want to do, and what environment I want to be in. Take this time off and treat yo’self. And when you get that job that you love, you’ll rock it. Everything’s going to be alright.

*Despite taking more than the required amount of psych classes in college, I am in NO WAY a licensed psychologist and taking legitimate advice from me would be ludacris. I am just venting my feelings.


One thought on “The 5 Stages of Getting Fired and Landing Flat on Your Ass

  1. Pingback: Game of Thrones Podcasts :: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly | Flirty Dirty & Oh So Nerdy

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